"Coach John"
The Third Talk™ Founder, SME

My name is John Van Arnam.

I am providing the tools necessary for you to keep online pornography away from your kids. To be clear. There is no amount of explicit adult material that could be considered 'safe' for children, or 'just part of growing up' or 'boys will be boys' or 'girls will be girls.' Not one video.

This can be a scary topic for parents to think about much less discuss with their young people. However parents need to put their own fears aside and address online pornography openly and immediately, because this content is available for all of our young people on every device and social media platform they use, and on average they start at about age 11. Please know it's not just your children. Your children will interact with lots of other young people who may or may not have this information. We have to get to all parents and all kids (schools, sports team, churches) to significantly change culture for our kids. We can no longer hope or expect that our kids will not see explicit adult material, or that our children will properly manage their exposure; or remain unaffected if they view pornography. This content hurts their brains, hurts our kids emotionally, and creates significant hurdles to human bonding now, and will alter genuine connection with others in their future.

We have tried for 20 years to remove it, restrict it, filter it or shake our fists at the problem. Now we have to act. You have to act. The Third Talk™ is how I have decided to act. I have created The Parent's Guide which will walk you through how to have this conversation within your own family. We'll provide you the words to use; what to say and how to say it to start the conversation, and then the how and the why to keep that conversation going. You are the only ones who can or will make this change for your young people. Waiting for someone to rescue your kids from this content has failed for 20 years. It's up to you whether you like it or not. We are here to help. 

You got this!   The Parent's Guide

Q&A With The Founder Of The Third Talk™


Who are you?

I was a volunteer basketball coach. I am a fierce advocate of healthy young people. I am a partner in prevention on The Buncombe County Prevention Task Force. I am a stakeholder on the North Carolina Human Trafficking Commission. I have worked as a program trainer for the North Carolina Department of Public Instruction, and The North Carolina Center for Safer Schools. I have coached families and young people how to avoid this content for over 10 years. I am the founder of The Third Talk Inc. a North Carolina 501c(3) I have a degree in Psychology from Syracuse University. Most importantly I am a full grown man who has over time become fearless about addressing this topic and its hurt to our young people since 1998. I have been called a "Subject Matter Expert, a "Sexual Health Consultant" and a "Lecturer". I prefer the term "coach." A coach on the prevention of pornography exposure to young people.

How are you affecting change?

Talking with parents of (7-17 year old) young people, and providing them the language they can use to initiate the "pornography-prevention" conversation in their own homes. For years I have initiated family discussions surrounding adult content in a families individual structure, values and environment, and showcased the "how and the why" in order to continue that conversation in an ongoing way. I have now provided parents a way to do that for themselves by downloading our Parents Guide. 

What are your expected results?

Parents can solve this challenge for their kids by simply opening up a conversation about it within their own family. I expect that if Parents follow the guidelines in the Parents Guide we will dramatically reduce the hold this content has on our kids now and in the future. I want to greatly reduce the number of explicit adult videos viewed by our young people, with an absolute end goal of zero. I want to help change our young people's culture from 'porn-culture' to one of respect, communication and care. Even a small reduction in exposure (10%) translates to hundreds of millions of videos that are not viewed by underage people. I am starting a national conversation right here, so we can stop pretending that this isn't a challenge for our kids.

Why are you doing this?

When your daughter has full confidence in her own physical safety, and any interaction comes from a place of mutual respect and communication, we will know we have turned the tide. When your son can explore his own sexuality without feeling the need to perform on a level he is uncomfortable with, or do things he feels that he shouldn't do just to 'fit in' we are on our way. It starts with our young people, without shame or blame, and a willingness of all parents to meet our nation's youth in the world they live in, not the world we wished they lived in. I am doing this because so far no one else has stepped up. I am doing this because we HAVE to!

Is this a specific ideology, or religion?

The Third Talk™ is information for parents and their young people, about growing up in a pornography-soaked internet environment and how to manage that successfully within their own family's principles; and nothing else. There are no ideological beliefs incorporated, and this is not "sex-ed". We are a prevention based education platform, and we are focused solely on the prevention of exposure to young kids, and the communication necessary to establish that goal.

What hurt?

Explicit adult material in the brain of a young boy can alter the interest he has in real people, enhance aggression, depression, fear, shame, loneliness, and even set neural pathways in his brain that might take years of expensive therapy to remedy. This content for young girls can act as a guide or a strategy to showcase what partners "want" and then by acting on that premise alter, if not destroy, their ability to successfully interact with a current or future love interest. We as adults can (and must) do a much better job of preparing our children for this inevitable exposure. If you think about it, we're the only ones who can.